Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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