just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
