I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize