I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
