He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
