goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
