Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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