also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
