She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
