the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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