It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And then he peed in my hair
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