I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have aggressive nipples.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
