I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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