he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
