I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
