I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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