really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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