I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
