Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
