I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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