He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
