I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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