Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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