I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
