He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize