You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my liver is dry heaving
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
