You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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