Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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