is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
