He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
