you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
