how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
