Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
