I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
