That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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