no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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