talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They took my balls.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
