Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We left the knife in your bed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
