Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
