I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
