The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize