Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.

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(313): View more from Michigan

theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.

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(440): View more from Ohio

So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

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(408): View more from California

Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

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(520): View more from Arizona

Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals

(480): View more from Arizona

Are you high and at a petting zoo again?

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(440): View more from Ohio

My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?

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(713): View more from Texas

Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e

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