Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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