u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize