Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
