Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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