its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
