I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
