I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
