So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize