a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
