you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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