your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The adults are the big ones right?
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