I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
