so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
