Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize