Cold hands, warm shart.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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