I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
