I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
