How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize