you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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