Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
