I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize