She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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