oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize