The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
