Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
