Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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