they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
