Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there was a trapeze. enough said
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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