Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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