I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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